Partner

Soulmate

2009-08-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

"Do you believe in soulmate?" I asked partner one day.
"No... naah. Why?" He thought over it for a moment and said.
"I think I met mine." I said without sounding too excited.
"Whoa ... what? Wow, great." He looked more excited than me.
"I never thought I will meet anyone like her ever."
"What's so special about her?"
"Hmm ... don't know, can't tell. I met her and it clicked."
"So you did not look at pros-n-cons of the alliance? you did not do the benefit analysis? you did not look at it as a contract, a deal?"
"No... absolutely not. I just knew we're made for each other. She is so sweet, charming and cheerful"

"Hmmm..soulmate or not. Boy, you are so lucky. Congratulations!"

No one ...

2009-03-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

On one dull evening, I and Partner were having tea at our usual place. There wasn't anything to discuss as such. I mean we could have discussed Indian elections, IPL, recession or anything, but none of that would have interested Partner. He has strange interests. He lives an interesting life and takes least interest in it anyway.
It'd been 15-20 minutes since we came here, I was waiting for him to break the silence. Finally, I lost my patience.
"What?" I almost yelled at him.
"What?" he was confused, but least bothered.
"Say something."
"Why?"
"..."
"We came here for tea, we are having tea. Why say something?"
"Okay, don't say anything." I was obviously offended.
Another few minutes went by. Then he suddenly broke the ice and said in slow measured tone,
"At times .. no, no, in fact oftentimes .. you feel .. you deeply in your gut feel .. that no one cares for you, that no one understands you, that no one hears you. You want to be heard, to be cared, to be understood. You feel as if your thoughts in the room full of your family and friends hit the dead vacuum and no one hears them.
But you don't realize that it's not just you, everyone is thinking the same. At least those who think are thinking the same. You never tried to listen, tried to understand anyone else, did you? Why not for a change try to understand people?
Your will start living your life, once you stop viewing yourself from others' eyesight and stop expecting from people. Stand in front of the mirror and ask if the person standing in front of you understands you. No one else need to understand you, becase you are too complicated for them to understand."
"..."
"Waiter, bill please," he called the waiter, took some money out and placed it on the table and said to me, "I gotta go, take care. Bye!"
He abruptly got up, and left.

I was still trying to figure, what'd just happened.

One spectacular failure and ...

2008-12-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

It was rather dull evening - a lone vehicle occasionally passing by, a gloomy dull silence filling the vacuum. I and partner were sitting in run down restaurant, nibbling some junk food.
Partner was also in rather odd mood today, largely quiet. I was doing most of the talking.
I: The weather is quite dull today, isn't it?
Partner: Hmmm.. yea.
I: So what's the plan for weekend?
Partner: Naah. Nothing much.
I: Why? No debating club meetings? any movie? grabbing a good book at the library? Catching some interesting event in the city?
Partner: No, nothing.
I: What happened?
Partner: Huh .. I am just bored, dead bored.
I: Hey ... It is so not you. I have seen many saying they'd like to live the life to the fullest, but I haven't met any who actually does that only except you. You live such an exciting life. All the time I wish only if I could live a life half as fascinating as yours.
Partner: Well, I don't know. I don't feel like doing anything these days.
I: I am sorry man. I feel sad for you.

And suddenly partner looked up at me with glare in his eye ..
I saw what was coming.

Partner: Hey ..I am just bored dude. I am not sad or disappointed, just bored to the core.
I: Feeling lonely?
Partner: Nopes. In fact, I kind of feel lucky that I am not alone. I am so free, so independent. Being bored is so much better and healthier state of mind than being miserable. I could really never have tied myself down into mundane family life. This is so much better.
I: So what are you bored of?
Partner: I'm bored of people around me. People live as if they are trying to prove a point.
I: Which point?
Partner: That there sad pathetic lives have some deeper meaning and that they matter. I mean how hard it is to accept that none of us really matter. We are not here to win or lose. we are here to live. There are only two kinds of people in the world are - those who live life and those who don't.
I: Interesting. So no winners, no losers, huh?
Partner: .. and most people choose not to live life. Instead, they want to be winner in the game that nobody ever wins or loses. These people make themselves busy in activities that they otherwise would not do just to run away from facts of life which they don't want to face. I took the life head-on and beat the crap out of it. Today, I chuckle when I see everybody around me trying to stay afloat. I pity them when I see them struggle to extract happiness out of every tiny little byte of life and yet end up being miserable with the feeling that their friends and relatives are happier than they themselves. The fact is, collectively, we have created this stinking corpse of society where everybody wants to be the center of attention, everybody wants to prove himself, everybody wants to soothe his ego, wants to be respected and given importance, but no one wants to do the same things to others. Result - everybody is competing for that delusional happiness which no one ever going to get.
I: So why do you care? Why are you upset?
Partner: No, I am not upset. Hell, why do I care? I am just bored of such people. But I will get over it. It happens to me occasionally. There is so much more to learn in life, so much more to read, so much more to look forward to, so much more to live. Hey, and you are always a fabulous company to hang out with.
I: Touche.
Partner: You know what, when I think of the past I always feel happy having made such an important decision.
I: Which decision?
Partner: I was involved in someone once. I was slowly wearing myself away over her. But when I lost my love, I discovered my true passions, I regained my life and my freedom.
I: Hmm..
Partner: I know I am never going to fail myself. So I involve me in myself - much like an artist or a scientist. One spectacular failure and I learned the most important lesson of my life - involvement kills.

You love her enough ..

2008-09-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

I: hey.. 'ssup?
Partner: Nothin'. Just hangin' in there.
I: Why the gloom?
Partner: Aah, donno.
I: something unsettling? worried for wall street? not likely.
Partner: No, nothing.
I: I came across a fabulous piece of verse. It's written by a good friend of mine.
Partner: shoot ..
I: It's for you. The title is 'True'
I: I know you love her,
Love her enough,
Just enough to let her love another.

(I thought this will bring some expression on his dull blank face, but no luck)

Partner: hmm! Why you said it's for you?
I: Nothing. Just like that.
Partner: I liked that. but I don't want to hear that kind of stuff again. Have a good day!
... with those words he walked away.

Faith and its lack thereof

2008-09-14T15:03:00.000-07:00

I: When does one lose faith?
Partner: Faith in what?
I: Faith in general. Say, I'm not a believer any more, why?
Partner: You lose faith when you realize that it's not working as you earlier imagined and you are at the losing end.
I: No, that's not it.
Partner: No?
I: No.
Partner: Not really? Is it not because you lost something you valued most and you thought God is to be blamed for that? Think.
I: Umm, still no.
Partner: Then your lack of faith is genuine gradual change of opinion. It's not the reaction to the perceived injustice of some sorts.
I: Looks like, thanks!

Game, Set, Match!!

2008-06-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

Partner: Game, set, match Andy Murray..
I: Now what's that?
Partner: I was watching Wimbledon yesterday.
I: So?
Partner: No big deal. Regular fourth round match. Andy murray was down 5-7, 3-6, 4-5 and Gasquet serving for match.
I: Ok ...
Partner: Murray broke the serve on 4-5, pulled the set in tie-breaker 7-6 and went on to win the match 5-7, 3-6, 7-6, 6-2, 6-4. What a match!!
I: And this match is special because?
Partner: Because life doesn't offer you many chances to get your foot in the door, so when you get lucky use that opportunity to push that door wide open like Murray did.
I: Ah...!!

Winner

2008-06-29T10:25:00.000-07:00

One day partner asked me an open-ended question as he always does.

"Tell me, what makes one a winner?" he asked.
"It's difficult to answer. So many things - ability, application, focus, deligence to name a few."
"You are right, but you missed the most important one."
"Which one?"
"Courage. Many capable people are underachievers because they have fear for failure, they are strongly risk averse, they don't dare to do things differently. They suck."
"So you mean ability doesn't count at all?"
"No, I am simple saying courage counts more."

Anbe Sivam

2008-04-21T17:27:00.000-07:00

I: yesterday watched a new movie - kamal hasan tamil movie
Partner: which movie?
I: Anbe Sivam
Partner: communist movie?
I: thats a crude way to put it, it is not at all a propoganda movie.
Partner: I know. What you think?
I: think about what?
Partner: Sivame anabagum or anabe Sivam?
I: Got your point. The song goes - for theist god is his love, for atheist love is his god. And you want me to take sides, huh?
Partner: Yes. for you God is love or Love is god? You believe in which God?
I: Not sure, I am still agnostic.
Partner: Typical you. Never take sides.
I: Hmm ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I: Both!!!

Mullah ki dauD masjid tak

2008-03-28T19:36:00.000-07:00

Partner: "Mullah ki dauD masjid tak", what you think?

I: If you are talking about someone else, you are underestimating someone, if you are talking about yourself, its so not like you. You never sounded that depressed ever.

Partner: Who is better? The one who can't run far but knows where he is headed or the one who has tremendous ability to tread the world, but doesn't know where he is headed or what he is running for - someone like Forrest Gump?

I: One with limited capabilities, but definite goals.

Partner: Then why so much passion to race? 'Mullah ki dauD masjid tak' doesn't sound deppressed anymore, does it?

I: Hmmm .... as always .. you win!

This day that year

2008-02-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

I was sitting and quietly listening to the sweet cadence of the ocean at marine drive on one beautiful evening when Partner came from behind.
"What boss? Itane maayus kyon ho bhai"
"Maayus nahi Partner, bass guzare huye palon mein kho gayaa hoon"
"What happened?"
"Nothing"
"Really?"
"No, but I don't want talk about it. Please!"
"Yea, I can understand. We all have these little things. Just like you keep your most valuable piece of jewelery in safety-box deep inside the cupboard, we tenderly preserve these moments somewhere deep inside our hearts. And then life goes on as usual. Believe me, everybody has gone thru this."
"you too?"
"..."
"Tell me, you too??"
"Yes, more than than anyone else."

Resolution

2008-01-03T07:43:00.000-08:00

Partner: So what is your new year resolution?
I: same
Partner: ??
I: Same as last year. To win over my fears, my shyness. I need to work on that.
I: Also, I need to be bit more active and bit less lazy.
Partner: Smart. Really appreciate it.
Partner: Many times people just keep making new resolutions without any regard and recollection of old pending ones. You are doing a right thing by not making any new resolutions.
Partner: Wish you all the best and very fruitful new year my dear friend!!
I: Thank you Partner. Thank you for always being there.

Charity

2007-12-02T00:48:00.000-08:00

I: Hi Partner, How are you? Guess what! Yesterday, I had gone to Jagjit's concert.
Partner: The one for AIDS charity?
I: Yea.
Partner: Was it bad, worse or worst?
I: worst.
Partner: I thought so.
I: Why?
Partner: Charity events are like that my dear friend. The organizers think that they are doing something great by organizing such event for charity and so now they can be spared for not organizing it well. Entire approach to the event management is so casual and spectators are taken so much for granted that nothing ever falls in place. Everything is always a total mess.
I: Touche!
Partner: Dude, if you want to do charity, give donations. If you want to enjoy concerts, go for professionally organized concerts.
Don't ever try to kill two birds in one stone, both the birds will fly away and you will lose your stone.

20-60-20 of learning

2007-11-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

I: I've discovered new 20-60-20 of life.
Partner: And what's that?
I: When you start learning anything new - say a new language - it takes as much time and effort to learn first 20% as it takes for next 60% and last 20% seem to take eternity no matter how hard you try.
Partner: True. It takes longer for first 20% to weed out all the dilittantes, next 60% comes fast as a result of hardwork put into initial 20%.
I: What about last 20%?
Partner: have you ever heard the words 'Tapascharya' or 'Sadhana'? That last 20% is for those who are literally willing to work their ass off, not for people like you.
I: Hmmm!!!

Credit

2007-09-24T08:58:00.000-07:00

One fine evening, I and partner were walking along marine drive.
"So did you see the way India beat Pakistan yesterday?" Partner asked me.
"Yup, we did it. We won." I replied.
"Hmm" he coldly responded.
"When India wins, we win. When India loses, they lose," he said gazing at the sky half-lost in his thoughts,"When you win, people want the share. When you lose, you are alone. All alone."

By Default

2007-09-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

"What is default?" Partner asked on one fine evening over a sip of coffee.
"As in computer lingo?"I asked.
"yup..yup..yup," he said swirling smoke of his cigarrette in the air.
"Default is .."
"Default is dumb," he suddenly broke me in between banging his feast on the table,"when you don't know what to do, you chose default. Agree?"
"Sort of"
"We live our life pretty much that way - by default. Probably, if we move our ass a tad and look around, we might end up living much better life.
"hmmm .."
"Do you want to explore and try custom setup or do you feel secure with whatever comes by default?"

Are you miserable?

2007-09-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Partner: Define misery.
me : What?
Partner: Define, what is misery? What makes a man miserable?
me : A feeling of being deprived of something you want is misery.
Partner: Okay. Define want.
me : What?
Partner: Define what do you mean by want.
me : want is want. I want a cup of tea, that is my want.
Partner: Do you mean want is need? always?
me : pretty much. Almost always.
Partner: Wrong.
me : then?
Partner: Want is not need. Want is what my neighbor have, but I don't.
Partner: Want is what I could have had, but I don't.
Partner: Want is what i should have had, but I don't.

The most dirty business

2007-07-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Partner: hey buddy, whats up?
I: Nothing, just usual. How you doin'?
Partner: Rocking .. as usual.. ha ha.
I: Hmm
Partner: I have a curiosity question for you.
I: shoot.
Partner: In your opinion, which is the most dirty business in the world?
I: dirty? in what sense? running brothel?
Partner: wrong.
I: then?
Partner: Politics. My dear friend, politics is by far the the dirtiest business ever existed upon this earth. It is also the most pretentious profession that enjoys the top position with highest words to reality ratio.
I: which ratio?
Partner: Words-to-reality ratio. Words is what people say they do and reality is what they actually do.
I: Hmm! Just a small oversight on your part. Politics not a business,nor a profession.
Partner: That's another big stink these politicians make - they are public servants.
I: What leads you to dig out this topic? Who pissed you off?
Partner: American elections - the drama of elections in the most powerful democracy of the world.
I: Well, I thought America is one of most successful functioning democracies in the world.
Partner: It's all business honey. America is good at selling brand America. If you take a close look at these election campaigns, you'd realize the elections are not for electing a president, but for electing CEO of America.
I: hmm
Partner: Political party is subordinate and campaigns are run by presidential hopefuls and by their individual appeal. You got to raise money for you campaign - the one who raises good money for the party and is good at striking deals with industry and influential people in society has a good chance of getting nominated by the party. And half the battle is won when you get nominated. Because most of the time you already know which party is going to win the election - this time it's going to be democrats.
I: looks like you are tracking lot of election campaigns in America.
Partner: And look at this interesting side. When an incumbent president runs for another term, almost always he wins the elections. Why? Because of all the power that he derives being a president. Now when the same president completes his two terms, almost always his party loses in next election. Why? Because knowing that this is his last term, president tries to milk as much as he can and in the process shutting the doors for his party in next elections.
I: True.
Partner: I really don't think this presidential democracy is a good idea. It's a demi-autocratic system in which personal charisma and power of the leader dominates the scene.
I: You are educated in British way of education system my dear friend. This is you alma mater talking.
Partner: May be, but I just think that parliamentary democracy is much better. At least we are not as autocratic as an American democracy. Prime Minister has lot lesser powers as an individual than American president has and that's good.
I: May be you are right. But seems like autocracy rulez - so does China and so does America.

I haven't seen anybody more narcissist

2007-05-22T20:27:00.001-07:00

Partner: So? You've been to US, huh?
I: Yea. Great place.
Partner: So what do you think of US? What did you find different about it?
I: Different?
Partner: Yea. And it has to be really different. Don't tell me it has lovely weather, fantastic infra, cool technology bla bla
I: Do you know what's different about US? It is one extremely self-indulgent place, so very obsessed with self.
Partner: And why do you think so?
I: Which games are popular in US? Baseball, Basketball and American Football. All intensely loved and madly followed in America, but nowhere else. Soccer, tennis, badminton, hockey and whole lot of other games played and watched world over, do not hit the box office in US.
Partner: I can't believe you based your opinion on this.
I: That's not all my dear friend. Watch any news channel - mostly it will deal with national and local news. International news is next to absent, as if it really does not matter. It's all about national security of America, American values, American people, American elections, American business, America, America and America.
Partner: Hmm
I: And Hollywood is everything in cinema - well obviously.
Partner: So whether its sports, news, cinema or politics America lives within itself.
I: Although it's more or less same everywhere, I think America the most narcissist place upon earth.
Partner: True. But let me tell you something.
I: What?
Partner: Sometimes your allowed to be self-indulgent.
I: I don't buy that.
Partner: You are ...... if you are the first world, if you are James Bond.

They are the children of liberty

2007-05-12T20:05:00.000-07:00

I : If you go to Y!personals and look for girls in age group 25-29, what would
you expect?
Partner: Girls in age group 25 to 29 I suppose.
I : Oh, you - a piece of crap! I mean what kind of girls would you expect?
Partner: I don't know, Never tried that. In which country?
I : US
Partner: I suppose you would find lot of serious daters from cross-section of society.
I : You bet. but there is more.
Partner: What did you find?
I : Something interesting.
Partner: you mean someone interesting?
I : No. Something.
Partner: What?
I : 70% girls out there in that age-group, where you expect most of them to be single ... which they actually are .. but they are mothers as well.
Partner: really? I never checked that.
I : yup. Take my word for it.
Partner: So what are you getting at?
I : Nothing. Just an observation. Thats just a sign of some flaw in social system.
Partner: Who do you blame for that?
I : A society, I suppose. Who'd you blame?
Partner: The girls.
I : The girls? I thought they were the victims.
Partner: In any relationship, absolutely in any relationship, it is very very important not to go by spoken words. People always have selfish intents that are cleverly masked under the sacred garb of 'love'. Your friends, your colleagues, your parents, your relatives, your spouse, your lover - all included.
I : Parents? Spouse?
Partner: YES. Believe me. All relationships stand on pillars of selfishness. Of couse, there is expression of love at times. People do sacrifice for their loved ones. But in most cases, even that sacrifice is like an investment with an expectation of return over it.
I : I don't buy that. But go ahead.
Partner: So guage the real intent of the other person. Sometimes it could be win-win situation and then go for it. But in this case, obviously those girls just could not see thru the guys. Men, when they say 'I love you', they mean they just want to have fun. Men have natural tendancies towards polygamy and flirting, whereas women seek emotional support and love and clearly prefer long term involvement. Conflict of interest - leads to deception. So they got pregnant - they got dumped. Straight!
I : hmm! How do you interpret 70%? I mean thats huge.
Partner: Because they are the only ones who find it difficult to strike new relationships. So they are still available. Others have got married by the time they are 27/28. Remember my dear friend, no matter what you see on silver screen or on page 3, and even in America, people enter marital relationships by that age. And so 70% of this 'available' bunch are single moms, with their semi-orphan kids.
I:hmmm.
Partner: Those kids are the children of liberty. Liberty, which society endowed on their naive mothers and selfish fathers - who eventually abandoned them.

Why people marry?

2007-04-21T05:23:00.000-07:00

Some day, some coffee house

I: Partner, can I ask you something?
Partner: Oh, I really love this cold coffee blended with ice-cream. Yea, tell me.
I: Why people marry?
Partner: What?
I: That was plain vanilla English. Why people marry?
Partner: Well, I don’t know. I am not.
I: Why not?
Partner: Because I was never convinced that I should.
I: Don’t you feel lonely? Don’t you feel need for a companion?
Partner: Yes, I do. But ..
I: Don’t you have physical needs? How do you quench your thirst?
Partner: I have my ways. They don’t fit in your ideas of sophistication.
I: Hmmm
Partner: Should that be the primary motive for the marriage? That you can legitimately do the stuff as and when you want.
I: No. Not like that, but it is also one of the motives.
Partner: 80% of the people marry for two reasons. Because of the ‘never-going-to-happen’ romantic picture of their lives which they paint before and repent afterwards and because that is what traditionally has been happening in the society for so long.
I: What about family dreams – having loving wife, kids? How mankind will continue to exist if there are no marriages?
Partner: You are confusing causality. Mankind exists because people marry and have kids as an inevitable consequence of marriage. People do not marry for mankind to exist.
I: Still … show must go on.
Partner: It will. Because rest 80%, who follow the trend, ensure that it will.
I: So you do not believe in marriage, do you?
Partner: Yes, I do. Its perfect for others, they need it. I am never fascinated by ideas of having my own family and raising my own kids. I'd rather live like a loner - that suits my personality.
I: Would you say the same thing, had your first love not turned you down?
Partner: ......
I: Tell me. Is that the reason you lost the faith in the system? Is that the reason you are loner?
Partner: ......
I: All your other philosophy is just a disguise for the real reason why you are not married.
Partner: Yes.
I: Why?
Partner: I know it happens to many and they recover from it - if not actually then at least apparently. You can not force someone to love you and you can not force yourself to stop loving someone or love someone else instead. There is no reasoning. There is not matching algorithm. Nobody knows why. But you know when it happens and it happens only once in a lifetime. At least for me, it never happened again and I decided not to compromise - not to go ahead unless it clicks again and it never clicked again.
I: And that made your life miserable?
Partner: No. You won’t know it is such a satisfying feeling that you did not let yourself down in front of your own eyes. No regrets!

(long silence)

I: I wish I were you.

It’s sinful to be ambitious and mediocre at the same time

2007-04-08T01:58:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in the restaurant with the partner sipping coffee.

“Partner, tell me. Why it happens sometimes that you don’t see light at the end of the tunnel?”
Partner (to the waiter),”one more cup of coffee please and make it strong.”
“WTF … I am talking to you .. not to that dumb wall behind you.”
“Excuse me. Did you say something?”
“No. I was talking to myself.”
“It happens.”
“What happens?”
“That light and the tunnel thing. It happens.”
“Why?”
“Because you are blind.”
“What?”
“You don’t see light because you are blind. The light was always there, it is still there. May be it is not as bright as you would want. You should learn to live with dim light.”
“I am feeling chocked here. I feel like going away, somewhere very far away.”
“Can you get away from yourself? You gotta learn to live with reality.”
“ … “
“You know what your problem is. You live in a different plane. From there you set your expectations and the mediocrity of the world frustrates you. You don’t know what exactly you want, but you know that you do not want any of those conventional things the world lives for. This where you frustrate yourself, because you struggle to decipher your own dream.”
“May be you are right.”
“Or may be you are also just like everyone else, but not willing to accept that fact. That is where you frustrate. You change places, change jobs, change lifestyle, and still always find yourself in the deep stagnation. No matter where you go, no matter what you earn, no matter what you learn, you get these periodic ‘tunnel and light’ attacks”
“hmm”
“Live with reality partner. If you are mediocre, don’t think big, just follow the trend. If you are not, then try to decipher your dream and pursue it, no matter where the world is going. But do you have that courage in you? Are you strong enough?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s sinful to be ambitious and mediocre at the same time.”