"Do you believe in soulmate?" I asked partner one day.
"No... naah. Why?" He thought over it for a moment and said.
"I think I met mine." I said without sounding too excited.
"Whoa ... what? Wow, great." He looked more excited than me.
"I never thought I will meet anyone like her ever."
"What's so special about her?"
"Hmm ... don't know, can't tell. I met her and it clicked."
"So you did not look at pros-n-cons of the alliance? you did not do the benefit analysis? you did not look at it as a contract, a deal?"
"No... absolutely not. I just knew we're made for each other. She is so sweet, charming and cheerful"
"Hmmm..soulmate or not. Boy, you are so lucky. Congratulations!"
No one ...
On one dull evening, I and Partner were having tea at our usual place. There wasn't anything to discuss as such. I mean we could have discussed Indian elections, IPL, recession or anything, but none of that would have interested Partner. He has strange interests. He lives an interesting life and takes least interest in it anyway.
It'd been 15-20 minutes since we came here, I was waiting for him to break the silence. Finally, I lost my patience.
"What?" I almost yelled at him.
"What?" he was confused, but least bothered.
"We came here for tea, we are having tea. Why say
"Okay, don't say anything." I was obviously offended.
Another few minutes went by. Then he suddenly broke the ice and said in slow measured tone,
"At times .. no, no, in fact oftentimes .. you feel .. you deeply in your gut feel .. that no one cares for you, that no one understands you, that no one hears you. You want to be heard, to be cared, to be understood. You feel as if your thoughts in the room full of your family and friends hit the dead vacuum and no one hears them.
But you don't realize that it's not just you, everyone is thinking the same. At least those who think
are thinking the same. You never tried to listen, tried to understand anyone else, did you? Why not for a change try to understand people?
Your will start living your life, once you stop viewing yourself from others' eyesight and stop expecting from people. Stand in front of the mirror and ask if the person standing in front of you understands you. No one else need to understand you, becase you are too complicated for them to understand."
"Waiter, bill please," he called the waiter, took some money out and placed it on the table and said to me, "I gotta go, take care. Bye!"
He abruptly got up, and left.
I was still trying to figure, what'd just happened.
One spectacular failure and ...
It was rather dull evening - a lone vehicle occasionally passing by, a gloomy dull silence filling the vacuum. I and partner were sitting in run down restaurant, nibbling some junk food.
Partner was also in rather odd mood today, largely quiet. I was doing most of the talking.
I: The weather is quite dull today, isn't it?
Partner: Hmmm.. yea.
I: So what's the plan for weekend?
Partner: Naah. Nothing much.
I: Why? No debating club meetings? any movie? grabbing a good book at the library? Catching some interesting event in the city?
Partner: No, nothing.
I: What happened?
Partner: Huh .. I am just bored, dead bored.
I: Hey ... It is so not you. I have seen many saying they'd like to live the life to the fullest, but I haven't met any who actually does that only except you. You live such an exciting life. All the time I wish only if I could live a life half as fascinating as yours.
Partner: Well, I don't know. I don't feel like doing anything these days.
I: I am sorry man. I feel sad for you.
And suddenly partner looked up at me with glare in his eye ..
I saw what was coming.
Partner: Hey ..I am just bored dude. I am not sad or disappointed, just bored to the core.
I: Feeling lonely?
Partner: Nopes. In fact, I kind of feel lucky that I am not alone. I am so free, so independent. Being bored is so much better and healthier state of mind than being miserable. I could really never have tied myself down into mundane family life. This is so much better.
I: So what are you bored of?
Partner: I'm bored of people around me. People live as if they are trying to prove a point.
I: Which point?
Partner: That there sad pathetic lives have some deeper meaning and that they matter. I mean how hard it is to accept that none of us really matter. We are not here to win or lose. we are here to live. There are only two kinds of people in the world are - those who live life and those who don't.
I: Interesting. So no winners, no losers, huh?
Partner: .. and most people choose not to live life. Instead, they want to be winner in the game that nobody ever wins or loses. These people make themselves busy in activities that they otherwise would not do just to run away from facts of life which they don't want to face. I took the life head-on and beat the crap out of it. Today, I chuckle when I see everybody around me trying to stay afloat. I pity them when I see them struggle to extract happiness out of every tiny little byte of life and yet end up being miserable with the feeling that their friends and relatives are happier than they themselves. The fact is, collectively, we have created this stinking corpse of society where everybody wants to be the center of attention, everybody wants to prove himself, everybody wants to soothe his ego, wants to be respected and given importance, but no one wants to do the same things to others. Result - everybody is competing for that delusional happiness which no one ever going to get.
I: So why do you care? Why are you upset?
Partner: No, I am not upset. Hell, why do I care? I am just bored of such people. But I will get over it. It happens to me occasionally. There is so much more to learn in life, so much more to read, so much more to look forward to, so much more to live. Hey, and you are always a fabulous company to hang out with.
Partner: You know what, when I think of the past I always feel happy having made such an important decision.
I: Which decision?
Partner: I was involved in someone once. I was slowly wearing myself away over her. But when I lost my love, I discovered my true passions, I regained my life and my freedom.
Partner: I know I am never going to fail myself. So I involve me in myself - much like an artist or a scientist. One spectacular failure and I learned the most important lesson of my life - involvement kills.
You love her enough ..
I: hey.. 'ssup?
Partner: Nothin'. Just hangin' in there.
I: Why the gloom?
Partner: Aah, donno.
I: something unsettling? worried for wall street? not likely.
Partner: No, nothing.
I: I came across a fabulous piece of verse. It's written by a good friend of mine.
Partner: shoot ..
I: It's for you. The title is 'True'
I: I know you love her,
Love her enough,
Just enough to let her love another.
(I thought this will bring some expression on his dull blank face, but no luck)
Partner: hmm! Why you said it's for you?
I: Nothing. Just like that.
Partner: I liked that. but I don't want to hear that kind of stuff again. Have a good day!
... with those words he walked away.
Faith and its lack thereof
I: When does one lose faith?
Partner: Faith in what?
I: Faith in general. Say, I'm not a believer any more, why?
Partner: You lose faith when you realize that it's not working as you earlier imagined and you are at the losing end.
I: No, that's not it.
Partner: Not really? Is it not because you lost something you valued most and you thought God is to be blamed for that? Think.
I: Umm, still no.
Partner: Then your lack of faith is genuine gradual change of opinion. It's not the reaction to the perceived injustice of some sorts.
I: Looks like, thanks!
Game, Set, Match!!
Partner: Game, set, match Andy Murray..
I: Now what's that?
Partner: I was watching Wimbledon yesterday.
Partner: No big deal. Regular fourth round match. Andy murray was down 5-7, 3-6, 4-5 and Gasquet serving for match.
I: Ok ...
Partner: Murray broke the serve on 4-5, pulled the set in tie-breaker 7-6 and went on to win the match 5-7, 3-6, 7-6, 6-2, 6-4. What a match!!
I: And this match is special because?
Partner: Because life doesn't offer you many chances to get your foot in the door, so when you get lucky use that opportunity to push that door wide open like Murray did.
One day partner asked me an open-ended question as he always does.
"Tell me, what makes one a winner?" he asked.
"It's difficult to answer. So many things - ability, application, focus, deligence to name a few."
"You are right, but you missed the most important one."
"Courage. Many capable people are underachievers because they have fear for failure, they are strongly risk averse, they don't dare to do things differently. They suck."
"So you mean ability doesn't count at all?"
"No, I am simple saying courage counts more."